Monday, September 10, 2012

Then I woke up and realized, I'm not Pioneer Woman

Sunset at the Frisky Farm

I love The Pioneer Woman.

I love her photography.

I love her horses and her cattle and her children (especially since they are not my children).

I love her husband, Marlboro Man (but not in the same way I love my own husband, obviously).

I love that she puts a photo of every step of the process on her cooking site and in her cookbooks. If I ever get the desire to cook, her site is where I will go first.

But sometimes, she reminds me a little too much of perfect, and that makes me feel a little too much like inferior.

I only have 40 acres and my one child (whom I did not homeschool) is grown and gone, and most days I can't even find the time to post one blog post, much less take photos of everything on the farm/ranch, post in 7 categories on my blog every week, home-school four children, do laundry x 6, write multiple cookbooks and star on the Food Network.

All while posting to my blog daily.

Where did this woman come from, anyway?

I had dreams delusions of being like her when I had my own farm some day.

Then I got my own farm and realized, "Damn, this is a lot of freaking hard work and I don't have the energy to post to my blog every single day after chores and work and more chores and dinner and and how the hell does she???"

So I'm not trying to be PW anymore.

I still love her.

I still desire a bottle of whatever Essence of Endless Energy she must indulge in daily to do it all.

But I'm not her, and I'm never going to be her.

And I'm OK with that.

Growing up, I had a Perfect Sister.

If there was a Pioneer Woman of Sisters, she was it.

She got straight A's in high school.

She dated the hottest guy.

She got straight A's in college.

She never drank, smoke or got into any trouble what-so-ever.

She worked her a** off to get her M.D.

She married a very nice person who, ironically, has the exact same birthday as me.

They have four lovely children whom I am sure will all grow up to be doctors of lawyers or famous entrepreneurs.

She was recently voted one of the Top 50 doctors in the state.

When not doctoring, she throws fantastic dinner parties.

Even PW would be proud of her cooking skills.

Even her chickens are over achievers - she has 5 hens, and they lay 6 eggs/day.

I desire a bottle of whatever Endless Energy she must indulge in daily to do it all and a just a dash of her Dinner Party Diva-ness.

But I'm not her, and I'm never going to be her.

And I'm OK with that.

I grew up trying to be perfect.

I wasted a lot of time and energy in the process (ask my numerous therapists).

Nowadays, I'm celebrating being imperfect.

My 10 hens only lay 5 eggs on a good day, and the dishes may go unwashed for a week.

I may not know how to cook a steak on the grill, but I know how to skin and gut a chicken, weed-wack and set up a paddock with electric netting, trim sheep hooves and shear alpacas.

Instead of cooking and cleaning every evening, I do my critter chores then grab a cold drink and sit on my back step watching the chickens and turkeys pick a roosting spot (sometimes it's on my head), watching the sky turn pink then deep blue then black.

The stray cat trying to adopt us comes and begs for dinner and attention, which she usually gets.

I heat up leftovers or pop some popcorn in lieu of supper.

As I watch the stars appear out of a midnight black sky I think about my never-ending To Do list and about Being Perfect and I laugh, counting my blessings that I am not Pioneer Woman or Perfect Sister, so I don't have to fret about all of the things not being checked off of my To Do list tonight.

Then I go tuck in my chickens and call it a Perfect night.

Blessings -


jenlarson said...

Beautiful post! I feel that need to strive for perfection, too...but it's always just out of reach. Focus on the positives and the beauty surrounding you :)
We also have popcorn sometimes, in place of dinner!

Jess said...

I'm so right there with you!

And truly, PW must have a support team behind the scenes. There is no freaking way otherwise. Like the photo contests - it is not humanly possible to look through all the entries like she says she does.

Victoria Strauser said...

Thank you both for understanding where I'm coming from! Sometimes you have to celebrate being imperfect.

Stillmary said...

What a wonderful post! I think we're just alike. We have our priorities all figured out and just because they don't match everybody elses, doesn't mean they don't make us happy! I think I like you a lot!

Victoria Strauser said...

Thank you Stillmary! I am still working on finding my balance :)

Grenzgängerin said...

Ok, this is an old blog post, but I only found this blog today. I can relate in so many ways and finally getting around accepting myself more and feeling less guilty of being different and sometimes even embrace it! <3

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